So instead of thinking, "He's uptight," when he gets upset about the clothes being on the floor, she might say something about what makes that important to him, like,"Since he grew up with a drill sargent for a father, having a neat home makes him feel safe and secure."

And instead of insisting that she is a slob, he might say to himself, "She has to spend so much energy at work keeping organized that when she comes home she just wants to relax, and to her relaxing means not paying attention to where her clothes go."

And when it's a dialectic just inside you, it means recognizing what's valid in both sides. So somehow I do really love my dog, AND I'm not sad in the afternoon. Perhaps what's being left out is that emotions come and go, like ocean waves. They wash up, and then they wash away.

The idea here is that we can let go of right and wrong, good and bad and just see both sides as they really are. It doesn't mean that he suddenly says it's okay to leave clothes on the floor - remember, the idea is to hold the truth in both points of view simultaneously.

A real synthesis is going to honor both points of view. Synthesis is kind of like dropping an either/or perspective and adopting a both/and perspective; "I like a neat house, AND you like to forget about where your clothes go. What can we do here?"

Because feeling safe is a reasonable goal for a person to have in his own home, AND being able to relax is a reasonable goal for a person to have in her own home.

So, Synthesis is about making a response that honors both points of view.

Some possible syntheses for this particular problem are:

1. Put out a few baskets in the house for her to throw her clothes into. They can decide together which baskets fit with the decor of the house.

2. Designate an area of the house that they agree does not have to be organized and neat.